What Women Want!!!!
Don’t get excited, I wouldn’t dream of attempting to provide a literal guide. You know we are an excitable, unpredicatable bunch and who knows where we might lead you and I do speak from very personal experience!!
But why oh why oh why do the Marketing guru’s that guide us, ensuring our very essence fully appreciates the essentials required to fully validate and fulfill our sheltered and ignorant lives, constantly bombard us with patronising garbage about women in gaming!! Contrary to popular belief the only console specifically designed for women was not the sink!!
I was subjected to a horrific ordeal, within the safety of my own domain, by a Nintendo prime time advert endeavouring to appraise the uninitiated in the complexities of women in gaming! I wasn’t distressed by the pink console, or the fact it was supposedly aimed at encouraging women gamers, but please let us use that term very loosely. I assure you that the selection of alternate wallpaper for a virtual home or tickling a fluffy puppy belly can not in even the loosest of terms be classified as gaming, a distraction at best now added to the ranks of gaming software that I would happily burn using my bra as kindling!!
Its hard enough blanking the pathetic inaccuracies that ensue in the bizarre oblong world of 9 to 5 that funds my gaming habit. Struggling against their total lack of comprehension, imagination and pure ignorance for something they have never even endeavoured. Their total dismissal of the pathetic waste of those who lose their time in the realms of fantasy online, obviously not imaginative enough to have truly lost themselves in a fiction novel or enjoy an epic production of stage or screen. Rather than attempt to attain a modicum of understanding or acceptance of something many are obviously passionate about, with reason, they will reduce it to ridicule believing the advertising twaddle themselves and decide that we really do spend days nurturing virtual furry beasts, arranging our home or even baking… It really doesn’t do any of us any favours, regardless of gender!!
I can appreciate a certain amount of imagination running riot in gaming. I too jealously nurtured my amazonian bikini clad warrior who despite baring all is impervious to arrows, breaks swords and men with her cleavage and defends cities with her well rounded tungsten buttocks!! But give us some credit, I would never dream of attempting to place men into a generic gender chamber, torturing them with the likes of Ubisofts offerings for Imagine Babies, Imagine Fashion Designer and pathetically Imagine Baking. How would you survive if women decided on virtual husbands or boyfriends? I appreciate you may feel the background noise might improve slightly, the chore list lessen, but how long could you exist on virtual cooking and beer money??
If I want to re-arrange anything I’ll cast the appropriate lightning strike, if redecoration is essential maybe a justifiable splattering of Orc’s blood to the exterior to complement the battlements above.. But please please please don’t assault us with this tripe!!
Havn’t you heard, men too have been liberated! You too could be subjected to playing these corrupting dalliances of the overhyped marketing, sadly and corruptively un-imaginative mind, or worse still your carefully nurtured progeny could be lured from the path of divine retribution and battle cries to a crib and baby sitting duties – not even paid!!
May the Gods protect us!!!!!!
Written by maturegaming blogster The Woman From U.N.C.L.E.
